Samantha in Trouble .....not my fault was a power cut ...

Dearest Mater and Pater,

This is very serious, I am in real trouble and it wasn't my fault - no really it wasn't. You must believe me as I am about to have to go before a judge (he is a bloody big dog too that I hear doesn't like cats !!??) or even go to court and then perhaps prison.     I couldn't survive there it would be too scary for a delicate cat like me.

It all happened when that 'thing'' in the middle of the ceiling went on and off 7 times and that google box they all stare at also went on off 7 times too it was real scary and I was terrified, scared stiff ....

  I am a wreck and Auntie Tricia said I might need a lawyer - hell's teeth what will I say to him and how much will it cost   I am not able to get a job it would freak me out - I would be terrified all the time.  The boss could be a dog !

I got a fright when 'it' all happened and we were all in the dark - Aunty went and got real scary things that lit up and had a scary flame at the top I could  have got singed or my tail might have got all the fur burnt off it, so, as I jumped off her knee  my claw went into leg above her  knee -  I WILL be in trouble!!  and believe me it has left a bit of a scratch but she might sue me and then what the hell will I do  -  Honestly you can't blame a poor, terrified, cat who was scared out of her wits - really I was scared  shitless.  Yes I mean it I was constipated for days.   

I was too frightened to come in or get out of my box in case Policeman Gough came and arrested me.  That would be awful, I wouldn't survive I am too highly strung.   

You must help me.   I didn't do it on purpose, really I didn't I am a lovely cat as you know.  Will you come to court and please put up bail  - possibly a sheep or one of those dogs might do for bail, I did give Pater that chocolate for Father's day - that should count for something surely !!!!            

 

Just look at me I am grey with worry, can't sleep, I am just so frightened.  I would send you photos but you would hardly recognise me.  

So you see please help me I am a nervous wreck thin, gaunt, terrified and all alone here without you mater and patter, I will do anything if you SAVE me I am your

not-at-the-moment beautiful, adoring, but terrified, frightened, scared stiff cat.  

All my love and please, please help me and write soon, I will never growl again, and I'll purr and smooge a lot.  Just please take mercy on me.

Samantha (just a shadow of what I should be) Good Bye your not forgotten, I hope cat.. 

ps  IF I do have to go to jail ask for the one with  underfloor heating or get me that thermal cat mat ...

remember to get one that matches my beautiful fur coat !