Desperate Letters to my Parents
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| My previous gorgeous looks are in danger of going -- please send money soooon ! |
Letter from Samantha
I'm starving - no money no food - please hurry as I am looking anorexic. They might cart me off to one of those looney bins or worse still the VET and you know what they do !!!??? Grrrrrrr, hiss hiss, growl growl, and the biggest MEOW you have ever heard - Boy can I make it loud !!!. Poor Aunty has had to take my furry coat in 3 inches all round and my tail is getting like a rat's Ugh, imagine that. and the sewing is all crooked too, so as well as looking anorexic I look DEFORMED too - even the chooks are sniggering, the araukana's are laughing openly. It is humiliating for a once beautiful cat with a gorgeous figure and simply beautiful tail (I am NOT vain or narcissistic either, it's the truth). I am losing my self image rapidly and there is only one thing to do and that is to eat the doves (all the chickens have got too big) I could try to prize the freezer open by clawing at the rubber seal and getting Auntie's meat from there but she might see it thawing as it is beneath my dignity to try to battle with ICED meat AND I could break a tooth - or two ! an how would that look.and what would it cost to get a partial plate!!! Let alone what it would look like !!! AND you would have to clean them and put them in and out.!!! OR I could get a HOT LINE to B K (our local RSPCA head) - he would freight some down to me 'fast courier' and send a big bill to follow (as I would ask him to make an order out for a whole year like a script, direct to the butcher to be couriered weekly to Aunty, SPECIAL delivery. In fact I could phone him as I know where she puts that thing you talk into. In fact I might order a few other things as well too................................just to make my life more interesting if you get my drift ......................... I hope to hear from you soon with a bit of action Mother dear, my doting Mater. I will get hold of Pater's sox too and 'make a real job' of them when I get back home as I know that will make him mad (not as bad as starving though !!) and I can have a bit of fun with your loom and wool too - I could have a great time. So a bit of action would be a good idea. ps. I have the gun at Auntie's head making her give that bank number. She should have done it 2 weeks ago, She will answer for that too.!!!!!! I am a puss of action as you can see. She is typing it now - She is scared stiff telling me to stop pointing the gun at her head or she'll have to dial 111 and tell the police I have a gun and am going to shoot her.. I can just see them rolling around in fits, tears streaming from their eyes in hysterics saying "there's a nutter on the phone saying there is a cat, holding a gun at her head going to shoot her" imagine it can you ? Actually it looks the real thing. pps. This is no joke either, it is for real if you don't believe me I will get Aunty to phone you every half hour from 1am onwards till you believe me!!! Your very loving and affectionate thin puss, Samantha >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>. FOOD (money) PLEASE A picture of me looking thin, gaunt and anorexic
Poor me. ...........................................
Waiting anxiously to hear from you .....
I'm starving - no money no food - please hurry as I am looking anorexic. They might cart me off to one of those looney bins or worse still the VET and you know what they do !!!??? Grrrrrrr, hiss hiss, growl growl, and the biggest MEOW you have ever heard - Boy can I make it loud !!!. Poor Aunty has had to take my furry coat in 3 inches all round and my tail is getting like a rat's Ugh, imagine that. and the sewing is all crooked too, so as well as looking anorexic I look DEFORMED too - even the chooks are sniggering, the araukana's are laughing openly. It is humiliating for a once beautiful cat with a gorgeous figure and simply beautiful tail (I am NOT vain or narcissistic either, it's the truth). I am losing my self image rapidly and there is only one thing to do and that is to eat the doves (all the chickens have got too big) I could try to prize the freezer open by clawing at the rubber seal and getting Auntie's meat from there but she might see it thawing as it is beneath my dignity to try to battle with ICED meat AND I could break a tooth - or two ! an how would that look.and what would it cost to get a partial plate!!! Let alone what it would look like !!! AND you would have to clean them and put them in and out.!!! OR I could get a HOT LINE to B K (our local RSPCA head) - he would freight some down to me 'fast courier' and send a big bill to follow (as I would ask him to make an order out for a whole year like a script, direct to the butcher to be couriered weekly to Aunty, SPECIAL delivery. In fact I could phone him as I know where she puts that thing you talk into. In fact I might order a few other things as well too................................just to make my life more interesting if you get my drift ......................... I hope to hear from you soon with a bit of action Mother dear, my doting Mater. I will get hold of Pater's sox too and 'make a real job' of them when I get back home as I know that will make him mad (not as bad as starving though !!) and I can have a bit of fun with your loom and wool too - I could have a great time. So a bit of action would be a good idea. ps. I have the gun at Auntie's head making her give that bank number. She should have done it 2 weeks ago, She will answer for that too.!!!!!! I am a puss of action as you can see. She is typing it now - She is scared stiff telling me to stop pointing the gun at her head or she'll have to dial 111 and tell the police I have a gun and am going to shoot her.. I can just see them rolling around in fits, tears streaming from their eyes in hysterics saying "there's a nutter on the phone saying there is a cat, holding a gun at her head going to shoot her" imagine it can you ? Actually it looks the real thing. pps. This is no joke either, it is for real if you don't believe me I will get Aunty to phone you every half hour from 1am onwards till you believe me!!! Your very loving and affectionate thin puss, Samantha >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>. FOOD (money) PLEASE A picture of me looking thin, gaunt and anorexic
Poor me. ...........................................Waiting anxiously to hear from you .....
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